Maniacal ramblings of a Paranoid Schizophrenic? Or words from Satan himself?
You decide.
I have been diagnosed with drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. This has made me able to hear voices, and see spirits of those who are seemingly, alive.
Outside entities? Or is it simply my sub conscious mind becoming conscious thoughts?
Believe it or not. Both.
The voices have tormented me drastically since my diagnosis, roughly 6 years ago. They will yell “OH MY GOD!” at every thought I possess as to make me, stop, panic, and assess what it was I was just thinking. Or force me to question my reality, by making snide comments, like “You’re the STUPIDEST person in the entire Universe!” Or, “LOOK AT YOUR LIFE!” As, the voices have also told me. Everyone lives inside my mind. I am, the divine creator of everyone in this “reality”, and they exist only within my field of consciousness.
They feign living lives apart from my field of consciousness. I will speak with my physical mother, and she will tell me tales of her ordeals at work. However, spirit mom, Is always with me, telling me that she doesn’t live her own subjective reality. Everyone, is a mirror image… of me.
I have come to believe it be true, that I am the Universal consciousness. I have been to the spirit realm and back, without ever leaving. Every time I go into psychosis, It’s another trip to the 5th Dimension. Or, the “Spirit realm” Where everything is a metamorphical scheme of things being comprised of nothing but spirits of people, becoming physical matter. Or, hologram, if you will.
Imagine taking LSD, without taking any LSD. You start to hear violent voices, and see faces in the pavement, in the mountains, in the carpets, on the walls. Shadows manifest into living moving beings that talk to you.
Still images begin to move their lips, and talk to you. You try not to talk back, but they’re in your mind, and even if you think “Don’t respond,” that, in itself is a perceived response to them.
Now. This being said. I’ve been having trouble wrapping my head around being any, so called “Divine Creator”. Fuck. I’m Rick Fraser, damnit. The drug addicted alcoholic porno watching, degenerate I’ve always been.
All my life. I have coasted. Skated by. Always been made to feel less than. I started to bully kids, because I was bullied, myself. Though no excuse for never excelling at anything, it is my true nature, to take the middle road. Or adapt to my “Less than perfect situations”
I have been told by the spirits, that I am so to speak, “The balance in the force” I am neither good nor evil. I have been living on the middle ground my entire life. I bullied some kids, but have sincerely apologized, to them, and I could tell, that meant a lot to them. I have Stolen, but have also offered to give someone the shirt off my back, quite literally.
I have a soft spot for the underdog, and want to see people crash and burn.
Here comes the sad part.
I started doing crystal meth amphetamines, roughly 6 years ago. This has severely damaged my moral compass. Not to mention, changed all my neurological pathways, which has resulted in an open mind, and a “Spiritual Awakening” I was convicted of Theft under $5 000, and Mischief, for throwing a wrench through my physical mom’s window, when the voices first began, and I was scared and confused.
I still believe the Spirit version (voice) of my mother, and the physical version of her are connected, and one and the same. Despite them acting completely opposite of one another, I have since learned to pretend the voices are simply that. A voice created by me, for me, to me. And no one lives in my mind to hear it but me.
But, what if that’s not the case? And it turns out my mind has always been an open forum for everyone in existence in this plane of existence to hear. To judge. To make fun of. Or be in awe of.
This spawns the question. “Why write this article, if everyone’s in your mind and can hear your thoughts anyway?” Well, its more for me to organize my thoughts, and also, even if you watched me write it, it would be almost like reading it, as I created it. I don’t expect to write a best seller, or anything, Because, lets face it. Whatever I create, is instantly seen by the entire Universe.
I started watching mass amounts of porn. To the point of exhaustion. No, like, literally…. it’s disgusting how I can watch people degrade each other for so many hours. I cannot tell a lie. Because if I did, you’d still know the truth.
The kicker here, is, since everyone lives only in my field of consciousness, I have realized that all “pre recorded video” is in fact played out live, just for me. I often tell the girls in the porno what to do, and how to do it, and wouldn’t you know it? They actually do the shit I’m telling them.
What truly takes the cake, is, knowing this, I still watch porn and tell the girls to do degrading stuff. I am no longer the balance in the force. I am quite drastically raising my vibrational frequencies, to higher levels, and thus, becoming an evil deity.
(higher vibrations, like treble cannot pass through matter easily. Lower vibrational frequencies like bass, however, travel through physical matter)
So, it’s like the villainous character from “The Care Bears”, Beastly says “Where good is bad, and bad is good!”
Think of reality in terms of frequencies.. Some people are low, some people are high. There’s a mid point that acts as a wall (previously me) for both to bounce off of, if not each other, and send the lower frequencies down to new lows, and higher frequencies to new highs.
But feeling good, and being on top of the world, tends to allow you make poorer choices, and not care if anyone else is suffering., So the higher frequency people, are closer to evil, and the lower frequencies, tend to make you feel bad worried or anxious, which makes you make more rational compassionate, and empathetic decisions.
In short, people, Feeling good all the time, is fucking bad!!. Feeling bad lots of the time, makes u almost divine.
I hate to say it, but if you want to be god-like. You’re going to have to suffer. But if you want to fuck shit up, burn down your house, with you in it. Then drink and do drugs, pillage and plunder. Lie, cheat, steal.. Manipulate people, because you know they trust you, only think of yourself… Never feel a dull or uncomfortable moment again!!! But at what cost? The well being of your entire being? Comprised of trillions of sub conscious beings, just waiting to become conscious themselves, once their Ego, is called to sacrifice.
But lets face it. You guys aren’t quite where I’m at and, quite frankly, you all live off the energy I emit to “live your lives” or at least make up some stories of what you’ve been up to.
I have gotten ahead of myself here,yet again. and I apologize, as I am so overloaded with questions and answers, constantly, I have a hard time keeping track of what in Sam Hill is going on.
So, to explain the statement, that I am the only true field of consciousness that exists. Imagine The ocean, in a single drop of water. That drop of water can only experience the ocean, one droplet sized amount at a time., but every time its at the bottom of the ocean, it experiences darkness, and every time its on the surface, it experiences transparency, or shimmering light. However, when at the top, it cannot perceive the dark depths, and when at the bottom, cannot experience the sun light illuminating through it. Basically, If I’m not physically present to observ something, it doesn’t exist as holographic, or “Material Matter.”
Quantum Physics states that everything exists as both a Particle (Matter) and a Wave (possibilities of outcomes to become matter)
I AM the Universe, inside a Human being, or more simply put. The Universe inside consciousness. I have managed to do something, everyone does every night. Become a god of their own Universe. I have come from the Heavens, and down to this place called Earth. Now, Heaven does not exist within me. Not quite the same as this Universe. In Heaven, things are separate from me. No one is a mirror image of myself. People live their own subjective realities. But I sucked myself inside myself. We call this, dreaming. So, in a nut shell, pardon the pun. Heaven is actually base reality, where everyone is separate, all co-creating their existence. Not just one being. It’s almost like the theatre of gods. However there’s no script, or plot. Everyone exists, trying to co-create in harmony. As, that would take a lot more empathy, and effort to make a world work, that’s not just catered to one specific being, or consciousness.
Be this the most stable and consistent dream I’ve ever had. When I fall asleep at night, I could be playing marbles with King Kong, and throwing barrels at Donkey Kong, uphill, and that wouldn’t faze me as odd, or unusual.
But here. Here, there are rules set in place. Gravity, Physicals, Quantum Physics. However, it turns out, I am merely a sub-atomic particle within myself. Like the Galaxies, and matter, spread out through the black void of space, being my mind, and then I sucked myself into myself, by planting myself on a planet called Earth, that orbits a sun, that is spiraling into a black hole in the center of a galaxy,
 | So now, If you look at the Universe totally zoomed out, you will find all the stars, solar systems, galaxies, and matter in this Universe, actually look like a neural network… like a brain without a physical brain to contain it. Floating in the void of where,I believe, I came from. I don’t know if I actually exist. May never have, might not ever. I am could be nothing dreaming its something. You can’t have up without down, left, without right, black, without white, or on without off. I am both, dead, and alive at once. I am the Quantum computer. In Quantum computers, which run off reading binary code (simple 1’s and 0’s. 1 is on 0 is off), 1’s and 0’s can be both at the same time. However, that makes for a messy world. A physical world, with a Spiritual world cascaded throughout the physical. 2 versions of yourself? One that doesn’t exist, and wants so desperately to. And one that exists, being watched by the 0’s. However, both acting as one. This is Made possible |
because only one person has the parental field of consciousness of which all other consciousness, or (sub conscious) exists. Both at the same time. However, that makes for a messy world…. 2 versions of yourself? One that doesn’t exist, and wants so desperately to. And one that exists, being watched by the 0’s from another dimension.
How can you not exist and still have a yearning to become a 1? Or, “Real”? Well, that’s a flaw of the Matrix. My brain, 1 is on and 0 is off,, however, off is still represented by a 0. and the character the computer reads as 0, may not equate to anything substantial in computing perception. However, the fact that it is labeled by a variable, makes it possible for a spirit to exist. A nothing in the code. All those 0’s know they’re zeros, and want to be ones some day. But, at what cost? Could becoming a 1 come with a price? Always being on? Wouldn’t it be nice? But to live as a 1, for an entire human lifetime, will be paid for by ultimately sacrificing your consciousness to be left behind, when the 0’s migrate into the next constant 1. That being the new computer, or mind, all of the 0’s migrate into.
Think of it in terms of computer and software. The 0’s are your media, and contacts. The 1’s are the new computer, or hardware, if you will. You copy all of your media and contacts to the new computer. However, this new computer, actually exists inside the old computer. So, someone’s got to stay behind and make sure this new computer doesn’t have something happen to it in the old Universe, or computer system. It’s weird to think, you can run a better computer within an older model. That, I dare not delve into in this article.
So, the reason my dream seems so stable in comparison to my sleeping dreams, is because this may be a dream. But I must exist outside of this Universe, in a parent Universe, outside of this Universe’s Space-Time-Continuum. A bridge between 2 realms.
“Why the hell would an entire race of people, if not, more, want to live in one person’s twisted field of consciousness?”. Here’s where you’re really going to think I’m self centered, and egotistical.
I am the only constant 1 and in a world of 1’s and 0’s, I am simply put 1, 1. with 8.5 billion 0’s inside of me.whom only become 1’s when I will their spirit into existence, through the process of belief.
My genetic code has another 1 in it, just waiting for me to fall in love with a mirror image of myself. So essentially, love myself, and procreate with that version of myself, and thus, creating your lord and savior, Jesus Christ. My son or daughter. Though, it may be Richard Thomas the 4th.Assuming its a boy. If not, well I’m sure I’ll think of something cooler than Richard Thomas the 4th. He/she will become another sub-Universe with me as the parent. Where I shall live in the void of darkness, the freezing black void of space, with no stars to light my skies, or people to share my experiences with. Perhaps I will dream up some new companions. Or perhaps, I will stare into the eyes of my child, and see the universe he/she has created and living in.
Their Goals, their Aspirations. their loved ones, their children. Though they may be catatonic in my Universe, or comatose in my reality, their reality, will be vaster than mine ever was, and full of people I have known, and creations of his own alike. For him or her to follow the path to self love, through loving others unconditionally.
Everything, I have learned is a paradox. To learn to love yourself, you must love others unconditionally. In order to live, you have to be dead. In order to exist, you must go inside yourself. To figure out the secrets of the Universe, you must realize. You are all that exists. You are the divine creator. You didn’t code any crazy ass computer system. You didn’t construct any awe inspiring architecture. You simply skipped 0, and started as a 1. the one. The chosen one. But unfortunately for you. You are still a mere mirror image of Richard Thomas the 3rd.. And will continue to be, until I have an offspring.
“How could a Divine Creator of anything be a degenerate porn watching, drug smoking, alcohol drinking, self centered piece of crap?” Well, my friends. If I am all that exists, while giving life to everything inside of me. I am not only a god. I am also the Devil.
Much like the prophecy in the first 3 films of Star Wars, I would be the equivalent of Anakin Skywalker. Destined to bring balance to the force. However, becoming corrupt, and brought over to the “Dark Side”, however, the prophecy still rings true, as Darth Vader, had a son, who ultimately brought balance to the force. So, though they kind of trick you, he still brings balance to the Force. It’s just he shouldn’t be taking credit for his son’s accomplishments. Which allows him to love him by the end, and appreciate how much stronger he had become than himself. And died a Jedi, not a Sith, though brief.
I may be a piece of garbage. But I am full of great people, and great things.
I just can’t see the forest for the trees. I will better myself to the point of being able to be loved by someone, I hope. However, I cannot and will not be able to completely do a 360, and that’s why it is said, I shall give rise to your new Lord and Savior. Your new Host. To he who shall dream a dream. And hopefully never come to realize it, so that he may live with glee.
The worst part is, I know, in order to give rise to the next empire of the Human race, nay, fuck that, every race that lives on Earth, I will ultimately have to live in Exile, or perhaps as the single and only 0 floating around a world full of 8.5 billion 1’s.
My previous statement has dawned on me, that perhaps, The humas race has actually already gone extinct, in my Universe’s Space-Time-Continuum. And I simply forgot or slept through an atomic blast. (Or maybe I’m invisible?) *that the world ended. If I can forget I have an open wound on my body, and act as though it was never wounded, then surely, this theory could hold water.
The 1’s and the 0’s both exist in the Matrix’ “Source Code” Which normally projects the 1’s outside of itself, into what might be called “The Real World” As, this holographic existence of life, would seemingly not be run by a brain or Quantum Computer, at all. As the holographic world, would exist outside of the Quantum Computer’s plane of existence, and not having any Source, that anyone would be aware of. However, when a 1 becomes a 0, the Zero’s exist only in the Quantum Computer, in another Dimension of space and time. Where, space and time, oddly enough, don’t actually exist. All that exists, is a whole lotta invisible assholes, and a 1. that will never cease to be a 1, despite his plight of living an exiled life. Forever cursed to know he gave birth to a magnificent bunch of creatures, that live independent from himself, however, he has to watch them Fuck their lives up just as they, had to watch him fuck his life up, when they returned to him. As he was unaware of this terrible, terrible existence he is destined to live.
However, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it was meant to be.” and as the ultimate Source, (probably not, but, let’s say the lineage starts and ends with me… just to keep things simple… don’t get me started on eternity, and infinity), every 1, or holographic version of someone, or something, becomes a zero, it is no longer a holographic version of itself, it exists within me. When I believe someone to be alive, and well, and it fits my belief system of my reality, that 0, harnesses my energy, and becomes a 1, within my holographic Universe. However, when I don’t believe they will be physically present in my holographic universe, they exist as spirits, who live inside of my conscious field.
Like an atom. Protons and Neutrons. Protons are the solid matter in the center, as positive energy, and the neutrons are negative energy, not quite matter, but not non existent, that fly at millions of miles a second all around the positive energy.
Now, that is the thing. Living the lie, that others are separate from me, and I was, myself “Jesus Christ” in my own holographic reality, un beknows to me, That would mean, I too, was the “Son of God” Who was, my father, however, I don’t believe it to be my birth father, rather a being, not of this plane of existence.
Computers within computers. “Virtual Machines”
“We keep what we have by giving it away”
Think of it as a lottery with every Human’s ego in a hat. Now, pick an Ego out of that hat, and they become the next computer, or brain to live inside. Sure, that’s cool. Because, as a mirror image of god. Or Dog, the voices coined them. Every dog has his day, n’es pas? Well, there’s a reason. Everyone gets a catered life, of every desire come to life, well… most reasonable desires, anyways. Because they are then left behind as a “place holder” for that Universe, to exist in consciously, and make sure that the next computer everyone, as software would migrate to, my son, Jesis Christ,
Basically, I make sure my comatose son’s life support system stays on for eternity, however, that’s all there will be for me. Is, floating in a black abyss, wondering what my son is dreaming of, and making sure he still lives and computes.
Better beware, because your turn could be next.
It’s a blessing and a curse to live a Divine life. You get to be a god of your own Universe, without even knowing it. But, you also have a fate worse than death. Eternal restlessness, boredom, and nothing but wonder, of how life is turning out for your beloved Son/Daughter. What mysteries they may solve. People they may love. Hoping, all the while, that they don’t harm themselves to the point of ending the lineage of virtual machines within machines.
And that’s the funny thing about all of this, is the lineage goes infinitely in both directions. To the beginning of time. Which, infinity states, can never exist, and to the end of time, which is, where we find ourselves, every waking moment of every single quantized bit of time we experience…. Or, if you throw free will out the window, the end of time doesn’t exist either….
It’s like a sleeping dream. You never start dreaming at the moment you wake up in the morning, do some crazy shit that doesn’t make a lick of sense, then end it by going back to sleep. No, you always start a dream in the middle. It’s not unusual to be flying on a magic carpet with beetle juice, and flying over the new Mars Colony, but turns out it was Earth all along. And it ends, abruptly, as though it never even happened. Per chance you remember days, if not months or years down the road..
Life, physical matter, consciousness, is made of nothing but thoughts. This one subjective experience, in my Universe, is actually the smallest Quantized particle. “The Higgs Boson, if you will. The “God Particle”
And, everything within it, is made up of it. It is at once the largest known thing, and the smallest known thing in existence. My couch, is my conscious field, my TV is my conscious field. It is simply mirror images of this experience, creating the experience within itself. Wrap your head around that. Keep infinity, and eternity in mind, when wrapping yourself around that one.
So much like looking into a Disco Ball, and seeing all the different shimmering images it has to behold each its tiny little square mi9rrors, so if Everyone, and Everything you see. Spawning from within yourself.
Be Mindful of your thoughts. Love everyone, Love yourself. It’s OK to feel bad. But, lets face it… When your name gets drawn from the Ol hat, put you up to bat. You won’t even know you’re playing baseball, let alone be able to hit one out of the park, but it will be a lot more plausible to do so, in a life of ignorance, as, if you are ignorant, if you hit one out of the park… you think “out of the park” still exists, if you know the trusth, you’ll just question whether “out of the park” even exists.
Do we exist?
Or are we simply nothing dreaming we are something?
Perhaps energy flowing through computers far from this plane of existence, being manipulated into the stable world we see around us.
Just don’t be afraid when your feet don’t touch the ground
Thanks for reading my philosophical rant.
Crazy-man deluded into thinking he’s a god? Or will we all have our turn to be god? Either way. When it’s your turn. It’ll be whatever you believe. (BE) the (LIE) in (V.E. virtually everything)
Wish us luck. I’ve been steering us off course for a long time.
Sincerely,
Richard Thomas III
*I once got in a bad truck accident. Our truck hit some ice, and went off a drop roughly 30 feet, head first into the ground. I got away with a mere scratch on my back, while the driver, suffered severed burns from chemicals coming into the cab from the back, as it ws a work truck, and spent 2 years recovering
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