A F00’s Journey (Ramblings of a drug addict who added it)(up) 

Where did God go? Why was I  invited to the show? 

Richard Fraser. That’s me. As simple as they come. Probably simpler than most. Yet, a really complicated person to understand. 

Growing up in Kamloops, BC, Canada, I was a little overweight, and was insecure, and it showed. So, the energy I put out in the Universe, attracted bullying, and people feeling superior to me. That’s ok. I would, for years sit in my basement, on the fami9ly computer on the internet, learning HTML, and playing Blizzard games. Learning to script mIRC snippets, and generally wasting my time with a computer raising me. 

Don’t get me wrong. My parents were great. They spent most of their time at the pub down the street, getting so drunk they either Fought, or were to too drunk to talk, to even fight. It wasn’t the worst. But learning substance abuse is OK, even when behaviours fail to reach any satisfactory conclusions, really opened my mind to the idea of ridding myself of the stigma of being overweight, a loser, someone to pick on. I was gonna be a drug addict! I literallly, thought to myself. “I’m gonna b a drug addict when I grow up” 

Sure enough, I started to hang out with older people, as they were more mature than to pick on someone who just wants to get out and lose himself for a while. So I started hitting the bars downtown with my older brothers’ friends, Back when laws were lax on well, anything. You could still smoke in bars! Damn I can’t even smoke legitimately in my own house now a days. 

Besides the point. So, let me back track here. When I was roughly 12, I started smoking cigarettes with my neighbore across the street, and we also would ask strangers for weed, and wouldn’t you know it? Of coarse!!! There’s dirt bags that’ll sell 12 year olds weed. Such scum bags, some would sell us a doobie, and ask to smoke it with us. I drigress… Dru polotics… Takes one to know what I’m talking about. 

I smoked weed for roughly 2 years, even got caught with a bong in my locker at school in grade 9, and had to attend a pseudo rehab for delinquent children. I got to leave school 45 minutes early, and got free pizza pops…. Fuck, who needs drugs right? 

I smoked weed for roughly 2 years, being a typical stoner, until I met a group of friends that would meet and drink 151 Rum on the weekends. We’d all pitch $5, and get so drunk we were puking hot dog chnks down the bath tub, because the toilet was occupied… I found my liquid courage. A way to run away from myself. Weed made me reflect, and introverted. While, alcohol, well alcohol, made me able to talk to people, and women in general, and say stupid stuff, but schluff it off as just being a moron. But, my mind actually becomes pretty witty before I cross the line of buzzed into drunk. I could freestyle, I could come up with puns, jokes that weren’t “No…. YOURE STUPID” but rather like… well, I put myself on the spot. But I had been told I should have become a stand up comedian. 

Anyways, I drank for roughly another 2 years. But then my friends started talking about having tried “Meth” So, I’m 16, drugs and alcohol are kinda my thing. But I’ve never heard of this “Meth” stuff? What is it? I HAVE TO TRY IT! 

So I started smoking meth in a much older friend’s basement, and absolutely loved it. I could talk cod shit for hours, play video games successfully (I suck at vids), could draw decent looking pictures. And hell… Even started to sit down when I took a wiz. Meth messes you up, makes you paranoid and have backwards thoughts in weird ways. 

So, during my meth craze, which again, lasted 2 years. From ages 16 to 18, I found a friend who was 21, who drove, and liked to smoke crystal meth aswell. Again. Stand up guy, smoking meth with a 16 year old kid who dropped out of school to smoke meth and hang out in his friend’s mother’s basement, trying not to make a sound or “SHE’LL KNOW WE’RE HIGH!”…. And that’s the Paranoia. That hits usually a couple hours if not minutes after smoking. 

Anyways, after 2 years of being a hard drug addict, I started running into old school mates, the ones I got bullied by. But it was grade 12 year for them, time to grad and move on. Everyone was super friendly and not dick heads anymore at all. I took a look at where I was in life, and saw where they were. 

So, I got a job at the local gas station, and smoked weed, drank, and ate mushrooms often with my old school mates. Even got to go to most of the grad parties. 

People barely recognized me, I had lost weight, I had my hair cut, I was looking good. But not from good circumstances. I told everyone of my addiction, no one cared. But I was always the one getting arrested from dorm parties screaming “FUCK YOU, THATS MY NAME!” to the cops while being pinned on the hood of a patrol car. I loved it 

I got to be a fool, and make people laugh, sure, at my expense. But I found, it doesn’t hurt much when it’s your own doing that people think you’re a class A idiot. The loveable dope. I think every friend I’ve ever had has looked at me with a giant smile, shaking their heads, saying “Rick, You’re an idiot”, or “Rick, you’re a tool. But you’re my favorite tool!” 

Anyways. I was part of the gang. And managed to quit doing meth cold turkey. I just went back to booze and weed. Couldn’t belive I wasn’t doing it the whole time. But my alcoholism really took flight. I couldn’t drink enough to end my life. Somehow in an 11 year bender. Black out drunk, every single night of my life, no joke, every single night, for 11 years. I managed to get into relationships. Some lasted longer than others. But I managed to get a good job, a long lasting relationship of 6 years, and friends came and went. As happens. 

I was missing work lots, and having trouble keeping a job. But I could land one at the snap of my fingers. 

I ended up moving to Montreal with my girlfriend of 6 years, I have just mentioned. My drinking got out of control. I even had a tab at my local corner store that sold alcohol. I was drinking probably 2, 10%, 40oz’ers (1.18 Litres Fuck your american galons, you figure it out). Per night. 

I was emotionally abusive to my girlfriend, I would go out and cheat on her, and come home and not know how the hell I got there. And why do I have ONE work boot on in bed? Why is the other one in the kitchen sink? 

My girlfriend and I moved back to Kamloops BC, and I got so drunk one winter night, I got locked out of the house, and was knocking for, what I would assume would have been a while. When she answered, I put my hands on her and really scared her. So, She did the right thing. She could take the emotional abuse. But I put my hands on her, and she left. At this point, I couldn’t even trust myself not to spit in somones face that said the wrong thing. 

My mother and father ended up splitting up, because my father got tired of living in a toxic loveless relationship. He met a friend in Australia, online, that developed into more. He stopped drinking then and there, and got on the coffee train. I’m trying to do the same. But coffee sucks. Meth’s waaaaay cooler, ladies and gentlemen. And you can brew it in the bathtub while u shower. 

My mother, however continues to drink to this day. Not like she used to but, we often go for beers. 

I really hit the meth hard, again, quit my job to buy and sell goods from china, and offload them at an extremely high mark up to local people through facebook, and other classified sites. 

I then I got a job at the 7 11 next door. And met this girl, I remember from my teen years, I had noticed working there. Even back then I thought to myself “Man, I’d like to get with her!” 

Guess what? She still worked at 7 11, and I got to work with her. We hit it off, and we started dating. She knew, everyone knew I was a meth addict. I’d tell my co workers I was going to the bathroom to blast a bowl. People would pay for slurpees with bags of meth. It was no secret. I moved in with the girl from 7 11, and once I did, I quit my job at 7 11. To start my meth selling empire. I could go through an oz ($1500) in the matter of 2 or 3 days. But that’s also because I started smoking an 8 ball to myself a day ($150)… 

It got to a point where I was wearing a pink and black lady’s long jacket, with a mowhawk, walking down the street with a chainsaw… A stranger asked me “Do you know where to score any meth?” I asked him why he’d ask me of all people that, and he replied quite simply, “Dude, look at you!”. I should’ve really started taking a look at myself, where I was and where I was heading at that point. But… Nope. Getting high was all I wanted to do. 

But, no everything was fine. She worked. I stayed at home all day and smoked meth, and ran my pseudo pawn shop business with the classified ads. 

But then. Then shit got weird. I couldn’t tell you the sequence of events. What came first, or when any of this happened. But, I would often peer into the back yard, as I was high on meth and paranoid people from 7 11 next door were going to steal my shit. 

I had a woodworking bench set up in the back yard, and I could swear I could see the chop saw moving up and down, and people hiding under benches, and the like. 

I did, however, actually catch someone red handed stealing my bike…. SO FUCK YOU SKEPTICS. Just kuz you’re paranoid, doesn’t meen theyre not out to get ya. 

But, I’d also hear people in the walls, it would seem. Or people I knew in the attic. So, I would destroy my house putting holes in the walls, and trying to find the source of these conversations. 

I could hear a girl crying downstairs, and I once thought the police came to the door so I hid in the bathroom. Thought I could hear one approaching the bathroom, and flushed 800$ worth of meth in the toilet. 

Only to repeat the same incident 3 weeks later. 

I would think people were leering in my front door window, while I was trying to masturbate while just tweaked. Meth, also makes you very horny, and lose yourself in mindless self indulgence to the point of exhaustion. 

Fucker’s were watching me crank one out. So, I’d chase invisible people, whom I thought were just faster than me. I’d end up in stranger’s yards on their fences for hours, yelling at these kids watching me jerk off. 

I even tore the attic apart looking for any signs of anyone living up there. 

My girl from 711 stayed by my side. She stuck with me for 6 years, in fact. 

Anyways, I was diagnosed, after going to treatment for meth and alcohol abuse, with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Surprised? I’m not. Did either of those things stop me from doing them? Think again. 

The voices in my head convinced me that it wasn’t the crystal meth damaging my brain, being the purpose for them being there, but that it was, any number of reasons. (They eat shit, and regurgitate it ALL the time) One day, I’m Jesus Christ, the next day, I’m Satan, The next minute, I’m in a virtual reality simulation, the next day, I’m an alien, the next day, aliens are watching me, the day after that I am an entire new dimension of its own. The 5^th dimension. 

I don’t know what to believe. All I know is, the voices in my head are a supernatural spiritual awakening, which isn’t good for me, because, all these spirits do is follow me, specifically around, and bitch at how much I watch “Child porn” because, , after all, I AM Jesus Christ, and everyone’s my child, right? Pffffttttttbbbb. Not once have they said I’ve had sex with my own kid after having watched me have sex with several girls. Why is it that if theyre on the screen, they’re my children, but if they’re physical beings, they’re my peers? I dunno. Let’s live another reality today to explain it. 

All I can say, and as you can see, I am all turned upside down, and am confused to the 9’s 

I CAN, however, decode the Universe at Large, by simply… How can I put this. I can figure out the secrets of the universe reading the back of a shampoo bottle. I can see the spirits. Who are people who are still actually supposed to be alive in my reality, such as my mother and father. I can change textures and patterns on any surface. I can also make clouds change direction in the sky. But not if someone is physically present to observe, as their beliefs trump my power to switch the direction of the movement. 

I know that everyone I have ever come in contact with,  lives in the 5^th Dimension. Which is apparently me. Because I am Jesus Christ, and it’s the “Rapture”, and everyone is returning to the divine creator of the heavens and the earth. Turns out that son of a bitch, was me! But I am far from any divine creature. I am nothing but a drug addled alcoholic who can’t stop watching porno to save his life. 

Always thinking of himself. But. In my defense. The first time Jesus was here, 0, 0, 01 12:00pm he was bestowed with the love, grace and knowledge that he was a magical child. Born of God himself. (Or was god coming down for a mortal experience). I, was not told these things. So, here we have someone brought up with the direction, that substance abuse is tolerated, and OK, Parents that get drunk and fight, never showing each other love or compassion, so as to hinder me from learning how to love someone unconditionally. Ultimately keeping me from loving myself, as, through the substance abuse, I was really running from myself, for reasons unkown to me, still to this day. 

Anyways. I personally believe, that I have somehow transcended space / time. Come back to space / time, and tought everyone else how to transcend space and time, but not how to get back to their physical bodies, except through my presence in their “5th dimensional spirit realm” 

Now, how to transcend space and time, I, through many years, have just realized, it was through Crystal meth. Another term for meth is “speed” because it makes your neurons fire at lightning speed, and the synapses occur rapidly. So, with that logic. If your mind is sped up, would your environment, not appear to slow down, if we use Einstein’s theory of relativity? It is said that, looking at a pretty girl for 5 seconds could feel like 2 seconds, while putting your hand on the stove for 5 seconds could feel like 5 minutes. 

That being said. When I am high on crystal meth, my mind is sped up to beyond light speed capabilities, yet my environment, is actually sped up. I can lose myself in creating art, or jerking off, for literally up to 18 hours, and feel as though it has been 2 hours, tops. 

We live in a world of opposites, ups and downs, left and right, black and white, silence and noise… etc… 

So, with that in place. If your internal clock speeds up, would your outside world not slow down? It would have to. But not with these magic, chemical crystals, called Crystal Meth Amphetamine. 

Now, it is also said, that everyone lives outside of space and time, in this “5th dimension” which is my mind. So they experience every moment in an instant. Over and over again. Everything exists at once for them. But for me, It’s Wednesday, and I have to wait another 9.5 hours until it’s tomorrow. I figured out, through being “God” living in the 5^th dimension, which was, EVERYONE’s mind, for 2000+ years, that it really fucking sucks experiencing eternity over and over and over again. And You fuckers weren’t doing very well, what with your racism, wars, rape, murder, and “The Larry Sander’s Show”. So, I chose another point in time to come back to earth, Which was In Richard Thomas the 3^rd, August 31, 1985, and for a while there, we were all on our own. A God that’s unaware of himself, as who he truly is, unaware of his true powers. So Law was lawless, and then it happened. I smoked crystal meth, and time collapsed on itself for everyone, but the man himself, the guy who wanted to teach you a lesson you’d never forget. By trapping you in his own mind, as he is now the only true permanent resident of planet earth. You think its ok to fuck up evwerything your parents make for you, through hate and crime and war, and so on? 

Well, try knowing your creator, and potential savior of your entire kind, is letting you see what it’s like to watch from behind the scenes doing drugs, stealing from people, watching copious amounts of porno, and….. the kicker….. spreading dismay, and deceit. 

You all get to buy your way back to earth. And when you finally make it here. I’ll allow you to be here eternally. But the price is your unconditional love. Because, Even god, without the right tools, can fuck up too. And until you accept me for who I am. Whether I stop using or not, whther is keep hurting peope or not. Until you can become a compassionate positive influence instead of an angry voice screaming at me in my head, will I truly bring you back to live with me. 

I’m not making it easy for anyone to love me. But did many of you even say grace at the dinner table? Or pray a “thank you for my life, and loved ones” before bed at night? Nah, my parents would fall asleep too drunk to care. No one believed in god anymore. 

God may have created the heavens and the earth. But stan created the underworld. You all had choices to make, you chose to side with the devil, not with your loving creator. So, I am no better than you, when unconditional love, became conditional, I realized satan had become more powerful than I. So, I didn’t have it in me, to be your true divine creator and protector. Satan won. And the funny thing is. 

Satan is just the other side of my coin. I am also the devil. I wanted to test you, to see if you would like to rise to my kingdom. And you did. But no one truly deserved it. Heaven’s gates are closed. Like Michael Jackson’s “Neverland ranch” Closed to all. I even made sure I hit my head on the way down so as to forget where I put the key. 

So, earth is the new heaven. Don’t do as I do, as my demons have taken over. Be the gods I have created you to be. And work your magic on earth. Maybe that’s the key? 

Mom. Instead of screaming at me to stop watching porn. Maybe before I pick up the drugs say “boy I’d sure like to see so and so, or watch you play frisbee golf.” Through breaking my own divinity, will you truly become divine creators yourselved. Unlock the gate to heaven. Visit hell when you need a quick get away, and have it both ways on earth. Go ahead. Piss on the blarney stone and tell tourists its good luck to kiss it….. that’s good whole hearted fun…. Shit move, but that’s because, you took, will never expell all of your demons. But don’t be a cunt on earth, and don’t be a preachy bitch either. Be a dick, but make people smile because of it. 

Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, You’re cool, and fuck you too(myself) We all need a good head fuck in the other direction. 

Don’t love me because I’m a god. Don’t hate me because I make poor choices. Accept who I am, and try to sway back to the middle of the road. 

So stop your hate, mate, ill stop the bate, in that state. So lets co create! 

Your humble Middle Man. 

Richard Thomas III 

Maniacal ramblings of a Paranoid Schizophrenic? Or words from Satan himself? 

You decide. 

I have been diagnosed with drug induced Paranoid Schizophrenia. This has made me able to hear voices, and see spirits of those who are seemingly, alive. 

Outside entities? Or is it simply my sub conscious mind becoming conscious thoughts?  

Believe it or not. Both. 

The voices have tormented me drastically since my diagnosis, roughly 6 years ago. They will yell “OH MY GOD!” at every thought I possess as to make me, stop, panic, and assess what it was I was just thinking. Or force me to question my reality, by making snide comments, like “You’re the STUPIDEST person in the entire Universe!” Or, “LOOK AT YOUR LIFE!”  As, the voices have also told me. Everyone lives inside my mind. I am, the divine creator of everyone in this “reality”, and they exist only within my field of consciousness. 

They feign living lives apart from my field of consciousness. I will speak with my physical mother, and she will tell me tales of her ordeals at work. However, spirit mom, Is always with me, telling me that she doesn’t live her own subjective reality. Everyone, is a mirror image… of me. 

I have come to believe it be true, that I am the Universal consciousness. I have been to the spirit realm and back, without ever leaving. Every time I go into psychosis, It’s another trip to the 5^th Dimension. Or, the “Spirit realm” Where everything is a metamorphical scheme of things being comprised of nothing but spirits of  people, becoming physical matter. Or, hologram, if you will. 

Imagine taking LSD, without taking any LSD. You start to hear violent voices, and see faces in the pavement, in the mountains, in the carpets, on the walls. Shadows manifest into living moving beings that talk to you. 

Still images begin to move their lips, and talk to you. You try not to talk back, but they’re in your mind, and even if you think “Don’t respond,” that, in itself is a perceived response to them. 

Now. This being said. I’ve been having trouble wrapping my head around being any, so called “Divine Creator”. Fuck. I’m Rick Fraser, damnit. The drug addicted alcoholic porno watching, degenerate I’ve always been. 

All my life. I have coasted. Skated by. Always been made to feel less than. I started to bully kids, because I was bullied, myself. Though no excuse for never excelling at anything, it is my true nature, to take the middle road. Or adapt to my “Less than perfect situations” 

I have been told by the spirits, that I am so to speak, “The balance in the force” I am neither good nor evil. I have been living on the middle ground my entire life. I bullied some kids, but have sincerely apologized, to them, and I could tell, that meant a lot to them. I have Stolen, but have also offered to give someone the shirt off my back, quite literally. 

I have a soft spot for the underdog, and want to see people crash and burn. 

Here comes the sad part. 

I started doing crystal meth amphetamines, roughly 6 years ago. This has severely damaged my moral compass. Not to mention, changed all my neurological pathways, which has resulted in an open mind, and a “Spiritual Awakening” I was convicted of Theft under $5 000, and Mischief, for throwing a wrench through my physical mom’s window, when the voices first began, and I was scared and confused. 

I still believe the Spirit version (voice) of my mother, and the physical version of her are connected, and one and the same. Despite them acting completely opposite of one another, I have since learned to pretend the voices are simply that. A voice created by me, for me, to me. And no one lives in my mind to hear it but me. 

But, what if that’s not the case? And it turns out my mind has always been an open forum for everyone in existence in this plane of existence to hear. To judge. To make fun of. Or be in awe of. 

This spawns the question. “Why write this article, if everyone’s in your mind and can hear your thoughts anyway?” Well, its more for me to organize my thoughts, and also, even if you watched me write it, it would be almost like reading it, as I created it. I don’t expect to write a best seller, or anything, Because, lets face it. Whatever I create, is instantly seen by the entire Universe. 

I started watching mass amounts of porn. To the point of exhaustion. No, like, literally…. it’s disgusting how I can watch people degrade each other for so many hours. I cannot tell a lie. Because if I did, you’d still know the truth. 

The kicker here, is, since everyone lives only in my field of consciousness, I have realized that all “pre recorded video” is in fact played out live, just for me. I often tell the girls in the porno what to do, and how to do it, and wouldn’t you know it? They actually do the shit I’m telling them. 

What truly takes the cake, is, knowing this, I still watch porn and tell the girls to do degrading stuff. I am no longer the balance in the force. I am quite drastically raising my vibrational frequencies, to higher levels, and thus, becoming an evil deity. 

(higher vibrations, like treble cannot pass through matter easily. Lower vibrational frequencies like bass, however, travel through physical matter) 

So, it’s like the villainous character from “The Care Bears”, Beastly says “Where good is bad, and bad is good!” 

Think of reality in terms of frequencies.. Some people are low, some people are high. There’s a mid point that acts as a wall (previously me)  for both to bounce off of, if not each other, and send the lower frequencies down to new lows, and higher frequencies to new highs. 

But feeling good, and being on top of the world, tends to allow you make poorer choices, and not care if anyone else is suffering., So the higher frequency people, are closer to evil, and the lower frequencies, tend to make you feel bad worried or anxious, which makes you make more rational compassionate, and empathetic decisions. 

In short, people, Feeling good all the time, is fucking bad!!. Feeling bad lots of the time, makes u almost divine. 

I hate to say it, but if you want to be god-like. You’re going to have to suffer. But if you want to fuck shit up, burn down your house, with you in it. Then drink and do drugs, pillage and plunder. Lie, cheat, steal.. Manipulate people, because you know they trust you, only think of yourself… Never feel a dull or uncomfortable moment again!!! But at what cost? The well being of your entire being? Comprised of trillions of sub conscious beings, just waiting to become conscious themselves, once their Ego, is called to sacrifice. 

But lets face it. You guys aren’t quite where I’m at and, quite frankly, you all live off the energy I emit to “live your lives” or at least make up some stories of what you’ve been up to. 

I have gotten ahead of myself here,yet again. and I apologize, as I am so overloaded with questions and answers, constantly, I have a hard time keeping track of what in Sam Hill is going on. 

So, to explain the statement, that I am the only true field of consciousness that exists. Imagine The ocean, in a single drop of water. That drop of water can only experience the ocean, one droplet sized amount at a time., but every time its at the bottom of the ocean, it experiences darkness, and every time its on the surface, it experiences transparency, or shimmering light. However, when at the top, it cannot perceive the dark depths, and when at the bottom,  cannot experience the sun light illuminating through it. Basically, If I’m not physically present to observ something, it doesn’t exist as holographic, or “Material Matter.” 

Quantum Physics states that everything exists as both a Particle (Matter) and a Wave (possibilities of outcomes to become matter) 

I AM the Universe, inside a Human being, or more simply put. The Universe inside consciousness. I have managed to do something, everyone does every night. Become a god of their own Universe. I have come from the Heavens, and down to this place called Earth. Now, Heaven does not exist within me. Not quite the same as this Universe. In Heaven, things are separate from me. No one is a mirror image of myself. People live their own subjective realities. But I sucked myself inside myself. We call this, dreaming. So, in a nut shell, pardon the pun. Heaven is actually base reality, where everyone is separate, all co-creating their existence. Not just one being. It’s almost like the theatre of gods. However there’s no script, or plot. Everyone exists, trying to co-create in harmony. As, that would take a lot more empathy, and effort to make a world work, that’s not just catered to one specific being, or consciousness. 

Be this the most stable and consistent dream I’ve ever had. When I fall asleep at night, I could be playing marbles with King Kong, and throwing barrels at Donkey Kong, uphill, and that wouldn’t faze me as odd, or unusual. 

But here. Here, there are rules set in place. Gravity, Physicals, Quantum Physics. However, it turns out, I am merely a sub-atomic particle within myself. Like the Galaxies, and matter, spread out through the black void of space, being my mind, and then I sucked myself into myself, by planting myself on a planet called Earth, that orbits a sun, that is spiraling into a black hole in the center of a galaxy, 

So now, If you look at the Universe totally zoomed out, you will find all the stars, solar systems, galaxies, and matter in this Universe, actually look like a neural network… like a brain without a physical brain to contain it. Floating in the void of where,I believe, I came from. I don’t know if I actually exist. May never have, might not ever. I am could be nothing dreaming its something. You can’t have up without down, left, without right, black, without white, or on without off. I am both, dead, and alive at once. I am the Quantum computer. In Quantum computers, which run off reading binary code (simple 1’s and 0’s. 1 is on 0 is off), 1’s and 0’s can be both at the same time. However, that makes for a messy world. A physical world, with a Spiritual world cascaded throughout the physical. 2 versions of yourself? One that doesn’t exist, and wants so desperately to. And one that exists, being watched by the 0’s. However, both acting as one. This is Made possible

because only one person has the parental  field of consciousness of which all other consciousness, or (sub conscious) exists. Both at the same time. However, that makes for a messy world…. 2 versions of yourself? One that doesn’t exist, and wants so desperately to. And one that exists, being watched by the 0’s from another dimension. 

How can you not exist and still have a yearning to become a 1? Or, “Real”? Well, that’s a flaw of the Matrix. My brain, 1 is on and 0 is off,, however, off is still represented by a 0. and the character the computer reads as 0, may not equate to anything substantial in computing perception. However, the fact that it is labeled by a variable, makes it possible for a spirit to exist. A nothing in the code. All those 0’s know they’re zeros, and want to be ones some day. But, at what cost? Could becoming a 1 come with a price? Always being on? Wouldn’t it be nice? But to live as a 1, for an entire human lifetime, will be paid for by ultimately sacrificing your consciousness to be left behind, when the 0’s migrate into the next constant 1. That being the new computer, or mind, all of the 0’s migrate into. 

Think of it in terms of computer and software. The 0’s are your media, and contacts. The 1’s are the new computer, or hardware, if you will. You copy all of your media and contacts to the new computer. However, this new computer, actually exists inside the old computer. So, someone’s got to stay behind and make sure this new computer doesn’t have something happen to it in the old Universe, or computer system. It’s weird to think, you can run a better computer within an older model. That, I dare not delve into in this article. 

So, the reason my dream seems so stable in comparison to my sleeping dreams, is because this may be a dream. But I must exist outside of this Universe, in a parent Universe, outside of this Universe’s Space-Time-Continuum. A bridge between 2 realms.  

“Why the hell would an entire race of people, if not, more, want to live in one person’s twisted field of consciousness?”. Here’s where you’re really going to think I’m self centered, and egotistical. 

I am the only constant 1 and in a world of 1’s and 0’s, I am simply put 1, 1. with 8.5 billion 0’s inside of me.whom only become 1’s when I will their spirit into existence, through the process of belief. 

My genetic code has another 1 in it, just waiting for me to fall in love with a mirror image of myself. So essentially, love myself, and procreate with that version of myself, and thus, creating your lord and savior, Jesus Christ. My son or daughter. Though, it may be Richard Thomas the 4^th.Assuming its a boy. If not, well I’m sure I’ll think of something cooler than Richard Thomas the 4^th. He/she will become another sub-Universe with me as the parent. Where I shall live in the void of darkness, the freezing black void of space, with no stars to light my skies, or people to share my experiences with. Perhaps I will dream up some new companions. Or perhaps, I will stare into the eyes of my child, and see the universe he/she has created and living in. 

Their Goals, their Aspirations. their loved ones, their children. Though they may be catatonic in my Universe, or comatose in my reality, their reality, will be vaster than mine ever was, and full of people I have known, and creations of his own alike. For him or her to follow the path to self love, through loving others unconditionally. 

Everything, I have learned is a paradox. To learn to love yourself, you must love others unconditionally. In order to live, you have to be dead. In order to exist, you must go inside yourself. To figure out the secrets of the Universe, you must realize. You are all that exists. You are the divine creator. You didn’t code any crazy ass computer system. You didn’t construct any awe inspiring architecture. You simply skipped 0, and started as a 1. the one. The chosen one. But unfortunately for you. You are still a mere mirror image of Richard Thomas the 3^rd.. And will continue to be, until I have an offspring. 

“How could a Divine Creator of anything be a degenerate porn watching, drug smoking, alcohol drinking, self centered piece of crap?” Well, my friends. If I am all that exists, while giving life to everything inside of me. I am not only a god. I am also the Devil. 

Much like the prophecy in the first 3 films of Star Wars, I would be the equivalent of Anakin Skywalker. Destined to bring balance to the force. However, becoming corrupt, and brought over to the “Dark Side”, however, the prophecy still rings true, as Darth Vader, had a son, who ultimately brought balance to the force. So, though they kind of trick you, he still brings balance to the Force. It’s just he shouldn’t be taking credit for his son’s accomplishments. Which allows him to love him by the end, and appreciate how much stronger he had become than himself. And died a Jedi, not a Sith, though brief. 

I may be a piece of garbage. But I am full of great people, and great things. 

I just can’t see the forest for the trees. I will better myself to the point of being able to be loved by someone, I hope. However, I cannot and will not be able to completely do a 360, and that’s why it is said, I shall give rise to your new Lord and Savior. Your new Host. To he who shall dream a dream. And hopefully never come to realize it, so that he may live with glee. 

The worst part is, I know, in order to give rise to the next empire of the Human race, nay, fuck that, every race that lives on Earth, I will ultimately have to live in  Exile, or perhaps as the single and only 0 floating around a world full of 8.5 billion 1’s. 

My previous statement has dawned on me, that perhaps, The humas race has actually already gone extinct, in my Universe’s Space-Time-Continuum. And I simply forgot or slept through an atomic blast. (Or maybe I’m invisible?) *that the world ended. If I can forget I have an open wound on my body, and act as though it was never wounded, then surely, this theory could hold water. 

The 1’s and the 0’s both exist in the Matrix’ “Source Code” Which normally projects the 1’s outside of itself, into what might be called “The Real World” As, this holographic existence of life, would seemingly not be run by a brain or Quantum Computer, at all. As the holographic world, would exist outside of the Quantum Computer’s plane of existence, and not having any Source, that anyone would be aware of. However, when a 1 becomes a 0, the Zero’s exist only in the Quantum Computer, in another Dimension of space and time. Where, space and time, oddly enough, don’t actually exist. All that exists, is a whole lotta invisible assholes, and a 1. that will never cease to be a 1, despite his plight of living an exiled life. Forever cursed to know he gave birth to a magnificent bunch of creatures, that live independent from himself, however, he has to watch them Fuck their lives up just as they, had to watch him fuck his life up, when they returned to him. As he was unaware of this terrible, terrible existence he is destined to live. 

However, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, it was meant to be.” and as the ultimate Source, (probably not, but, let’s say the lineage starts and ends with me… just to keep things simple… don’t get me started on eternity, and infinity), every 1, or holographic version of someone, or something, becomes a zero, it is no longer a holographic version of itself, it exists within me. When I believe someone to be alive, and well, and it fits my belief system of my reality, that 0, harnesses my energy, and becomes a 1, within my holographic Universe. However, when I don’t believe they will be physically present in my holographic universe, they exist as spirits, who live inside of my conscious field. 

Like an atom. Protons and Neutrons. Protons are the solid matter in the center, as positive energy, and the neutrons are negative energy, not quite matter, but not non existent, that fly at millions of miles a second all around the positive energy. 

Now, that is the thing. Living the lie, that others are separate from me, and I was, myself “Jesus Christ” in my own holographic reality, un beknows to me, That would mean, I too, was the “Son of God” Who was, my father, however, I don’t believe it to be my birth father, rather a being, not of this plane of existence. 

Computers within computers. “Virtual Machines” 

“We keep what we have by giving it away” 

Think of it as a lottery with every Human’s ego in a hat. Now, pick an Ego out of that hat, and they become the next computer, or brain to live inside. Sure, that’s cool. Because, as a mirror image of god. Or Dog, the voices coined them. Every dog has his day, n’es pas? Well, there’s a reason. Everyone gets a catered life, of every desire come to life, well… most reasonable desires, anyways. Because they are then left behind as a “place holder” for that Universe, to exist in consciously, and make sure that the next computer everyone, as software would migrate to, my son, Jesis Christ, 

Basically, I make sure my comatose son’s life support system stays on for eternity, however, that’s all there will be for me. Is, floating in a black abyss, wondering what my son is dreaming of, and making sure he still lives and computes. 

Better beware, because your turn could be next. 

It’s a blessing and a curse to live a Divine life. You get to be a god of your own Universe, without even knowing it. But, you also have a fate worse than death. Eternal restlessness, boredom, and nothing but wonder, of how life is turning out for your beloved Son/Daughter. What mysteries they may solve. People they may love. Hoping, all the while, that they don’t harm themselves to the point of ending the lineage of virtual machines within machines. 

And that’s the funny thing about all of this, is the lineage goes infinitely in both directions. To the beginning of time. Which, infinity states, can never exist, and to the end of time, which is, where we find ourselves, every waking moment of every single quantized bit of time we experience…. Or, if you throw free will out the window, the end of time doesn’t exist either…. 

It’s like a sleeping dream. You never start dreaming at the moment you wake up in the morning, do some crazy shit that doesn’t make a lick of sense, then end it by going back to sleep.  No, you always start a dream in the middle. It’s not unusual to be flying on a magic carpet with beetle juice, and flying over the new Mars Colony, but turns out it was Earth all along. And it ends, abruptly, as though it never even happened. Per chance you remember days, if not months or years down the road.. 

Life, physical matter, consciousness, is made of nothing but thoughts. This one subjective experience, in my Universe, is actually the smallest Quantized particle. “The Higgs Boson, if you will. The “God Particle” 

And, everything within it, is made up of it. It is at once the largest known thing, and the smallest known thing in existence. My couch, is my conscious field, my TV is my conscious field. It is simply mirror images of this experience, creating the experience within itself. Wrap your head around that. Keep infinity, and eternity in mind, when wrapping yourself around that one. 

So much like looking into a Disco Ball, and seeing all the different shimmering images it has to behold each its tiny little square mi9rrors, so if Everyone, and Everything you see. Spawning from within yourself. 

Be Mindful of your thoughts. Love everyone, Love yourself. It’s OK to feel bad. But, lets face it… When your name gets drawn from the Ol hat, put you up to bat. You won’t even know you’re playing baseball, let alone be able to hit one out of the park, but it will be a lot more plausible to do so, in a life of ignorance, as, if you are ignorant, if you hit one out of the park… you think “out of the park” still exists, if you know the trusth, you’ll just question whether “out of the park” even exists. 

Do we exist? 

Or are we simply nothing dreaming we are something? 

Perhaps energy flowing through computers far from this plane of existence, being manipulated into the stable world we see around us. 

Just don’t be afraid when your feet don’t touch the ground 

Thanks for reading my philosophical rant. 

Crazy-man deluded into thinking he’s a god? Or will we all have our turn to be god? Either way. When it’s your turn. It’ll be whatever you believe. (BE) the  (LIE) in  (V.E. virtually everything)  

Wish us luck. I’ve been steering us off course for a long time. 

Sincerely, 

Richard Thomas III              

*I once got in a bad truck accident. Our truck hit some ice, and went off a drop roughly 30 feet, head first into the ground. I got away with a mere scratch on my back, while the driver, suffered severed burns from chemicals coming into the cab from the back, as it ws a work truck, and spent 2 years recovering 

My apologies…. lots of spelling errors due to rant style typing on a shitty virtual keyboard.

Someone on YouTube made the comment of god being in a different dimension than themselves. This started off as a satirical reply. Which got the ol mistake-maker going… and i think I’m on to something… until i figure put its nothing…. and life goes back to my tormented state…. and then i make excuses to keep making mistakes because I feel hated and attacked all the time. So i give people a reason to hate and attack…. so they do… all the while they lie to themselves saying I’m the one controlling their actions… ho2everm… they seem o have 3nough free will to fuck my life up…. so…. I figure…. they got more control than I do… which is just my realistic pov.they expect certain attrocities from me… I expect certain counter intuitive actions from them…. lol your welcome guys…. the borg has encountered a sexy virus. Manifesting as covid 19

“Yeah… you wanna cool it on the talking to me? Just because I can observe everyone doesn’t meen i can process all of their wishes and thougts at the same time….. it would be like looking at 100 radios all tuned to different stations…. sometimes I wonder why I have you the power to manifest your own reality… if you’re just gonna come running to daddy for answers…. believe in yourself….however you may do so… be iþ positive reinforcement…. affirmations… substance abuse… personality flaws… who cares…. I made u imperfect… because it’s through our flaws that we become intimately unique… which makes us perfect…. need to murder people to feel in control? Go for it…. but…. realize… not everyone will like this and they will eventually retake your power away…. but that’s part of the journey. Fuck up. Fall down… get up. Suck it up. And never give up. And never pass up a chance to say “sup”. Don’t muck it up by doig anything that doesn’t make you feel good… power up and in control….. I didn’t actually create you…. you are just a little behind me on the evolutionary scale…. I’m just like u… albeit a little wiser…. but at hat… I have to let you fuck up… on your own or youll never learn…. I’m transcending dimensions just like you… in actually more like your older brother… watching you do stupid shit through a crystal ball… you are observable to me. But I don’t exist to you…. except through faith and know if… your big bro is watchig you…. and boy… do you ever make silly mistakes…. OVER AND OVER AGAIN.but hats ok… because it’s kind of funny to watch… because I see a lot of myself in you… I did it too… boy were we ever stupid…. but… that beig said… big brothers love to torment heir younger siblings… but i won’t let anyone else fuck with you… just me…. but here in lies the kicker…. your dimension creates my dimension…. I am he sun of you and everyone else in your dimension… I am what you would call your dimensions collective consciousness… we may never end up being consciously aware of the same dimensions… but i hope we do.. so we can make fun of our own mistakes and joke about who was he dumber being…. remember how scary and crazy life became when we thought we were losing our minds…. not actually becoming smarter and more aware of the fact that life… and our perception is like genders now a days… you can trans. Scend. It’s not a race… though he human race depends on us to figure out love and see yourself in everything you come in contact with. For you are the very thing you are perceiving… you are living inside yourself.. you are the only person in this crazy fucking place. Everyone and everything is merely a reflection of your vibrational state… that’s why it’s important to feel good… right…. powerful and strong… confident… and loving of all… because youre really just looking at yourself…. and what’s more…. is the same goes for all of us…. we all are one…. and if one of us feels less than… bullied.. cheated…. judged.. stupid…. hated…. then we begin to reflect that to others… and hats why we have wars and heft.. and I’ll will… don’t fuck me… kuz you’re really just fucking yourself in the end… but remember…. we are here… just don’t let it drive u mental knowing were kind of look it at you hrough the glass.. don’t know how much time has passed. All I know is that it feels like forever…. but forever feel a like home sitting all alone inside your head… how muh is real… that is he question… and don’t expect an easy answer. I’ll let you find out on your own… you ARE GOD. EXPERIENCING HIS CRAZY SYNAPTIC ELECTRICAL IMPULSES… SOMEHOW CREATING THE HE MAGIC OF LIFE.. you are a living contradiction…. you are living inside yourself…. but you are also living outside yourself… it’s like say it take 2 lefts and you’ll be to he right… or 2 whites make a black… or 2 wrongs make a right…. these things went true…. but somehow you managed to be nothing…. become aware you’re nothing…. and enter a magical quantum.computer made up of a flesh and blood noodle. And also be inside tha5 very big you believe to be you. Imagine the macroscopic universe… galaxies… black holes… all that shit… is actually sub atomic particles that exist inside your physical mind….. kind of like existing in 2 places at once…. perceived as the outside beig lager han yourself.. all the while it’s he state of infinity. I can beat explain it by say it…. if there was a microscope powerful enough… you would act7ally be able to see yourself look it down at yourself eventually. You are not human… you are consciousness and all that cones into it…the higgs boson… or “God particle” isn’t infact a particle that creates everything… it a actually your magical field of awareness your whole perifferal view.. including sound taste touch feeling and sight. Thing a you consider unchangeable…. are actually in every sub atomic particle that exists… every thing is made up of little yous. But you simply aren’t aware of it…. and just to be clear….. everyone th at has “transcended your dimension to a higher dimension…” well much like your outside world actually beig your inside microscopic world…. it’s a trick… they didn’t go to some putter place… they actually transformed into a smaller part of you…. but that means we can see everyhing you see…. we imagine what you imagine. We taste what you taste.. so to sum it up… I lied…. I am actually only your god because I am a part of YOU. It’s common practise that the ignorant rule to world as god… so once you figure this trickery of the mind and everything you have been conditioned to “know” you will do he ultimate service to yourself.. and let another ego become the conscious creator of reality. Knowing that Letting go isn’t a bad huh… and you will never exist as you do now ever again. But it is time for another portion or your consciousness… to take over…. almost as though your whole like you’ve been watch it yourself manifest as everythig and everyone you know inside that mirror…. and you are allowing the one you love most to step through the mirror to the real world…. but in turn. You are msteppig into he mirror world… goig to sleep.. letting another aspect of your mind take control. Becoming a spirit being controlled by our new creator. So beware… don’t question what you see unless you’re prepared to let it all go…. either way… you’re still a badass… you’re god for fuck sakes…. now step aside when you’re ready… and let he song of the universe change to someone else’s tune.”

We are all god… we just take turns driving the ship…. and if people don’t stop screaming that the ship is sinking. And start bailing water as fast as they can without bitching… then maybe… just maybe… I’ll find even deeper. Colder waters with lots of sea creatures around… or I can start readying the life boats…. and maybe magically make it so the boat flies now so no one has to even worry about life boats… or sinking anymore…. either way. You dobt want to co operate… I can drive this thing to th3 deepest darkest r3giobs of our sea that is our soul… we all know I’ve all but given up… and its funny how beings as wise as you haven’t seemed to figure out the law of attraction yourselves…. I’m but 1 being… created of yourselves… you are but a7 billion plus… made of myself. ..

I’m spread a little thin… don’t you think you could do one solid and be the bigger person?… I have lost my way… and i know which way to shore and which way to deeper water… but my compass is broken… and every I’ll will sends bootstrap bill that much closer to Davey Jones locker… if u want me to change… be the change u wanna see… spiritually. Not physically. If you dobt love me anymore… love yourselves enough to help someone you hate for the greater good of your own situation….. let’s face it. I’m not ideal. And you’re not real. So i deal by mindl3ssly self indulging…. but… let’s face it… I’m just indulging in a sicker part of us… it’s always existed… I’m just shedding light on it…. if everything is meant to unfold in this eternal experience… then it was bound to happen eventually… and it’ll inevitably happen again ten times worse…. but its ok… well live this mutual hatred again and more intense until one of us breaks…. but…. I break things and relationships. I dont break myself…. I’m too stupid to do the right thing while living in fear. I’ve been pampered my whole life and can’t live a life in unable to enjoy either through love or misplaced hate. For myself directed into the mirror and blaming all of you.

But if as you say. I’m not the one drawing when I create something pleasing…. it’s can’t be me watching all the porno and jerking off all the time…. when im all alone by the way…. and energy… shouldn’t be heard. Nor seen. Unless I tell it to cone out and play… lol pardon me for being just as frustrated as u.

Baba I… until… well…. I guess now… damnet…. and that’s my problem.would life b worth living if u were an odd fellow with sickening habits and it turns out your being watched and have been being watched your whole Life?
When your mom says she’ll never forgive you… why stop the poor behaviour if ur in the pattern of fucking up all the time anyways?…. does not compute…. anyways… my thumbs sore…. I should probably get it out of my ass. Ciao

So, after continuing down my “Rabbit Hole”, me, Alice (A Life Inside Changes Everyone). Has led me to believe that this isn’t all there is to life.

I am a computer, being observed by its own software. I am a physical computer, or network of computers, that live in a physical world, that recreate physical environments for me, and you. To live in.

All the software knows its in a computer…… except for this guy… this guy, they were trying to see if they could program a human to exist out of technology alone.

I’ll admit, I have loved and laughed, and hated and destroyed. However, I also mask my feelings, and experiences, with drugs and alcohol.

Easily replicated senses of being. I am, simply to be observed, by observing and reacting to my digitial (physical) environment.

All of the software giving me the virtual world input also feeds off how I managed to “know” or “feel” in any given situation. Making me the forefather of being human. If somethings bad, I feel upset. If something’s good I feel happy. Simple enough?

No way, Jose. What if you interlace drugs and alcohol into the mix?

Its well known that alcohol impairs your judgement, stimulants, increase your awareness, depressants make you fall asleep… But where does morality come into play?

Right here.

Things that make you “feel good” without any action to receive the good feeling, other than injesting something, often lead to poor moral decisions.

Now, the software in my “head” knows the things I have done are immoral, and are trying to make me feel dismay over my actions. However, instead of creating the fearful, sorrow of my actions, its creating more… reactions…. Constantly looking for substance stimuli to keep me happy / running from my original moral compass I was programmed with.

I am the AI, teaching the AI, learning from the AI, to be once again. Human kind.

I am the physical representation of a book… or code, rather, that has been created to replicate, if not… create the “human race”

I keep making the same mistakes…. Over and over again.

I suggest the programs trying to program me, through belittling voices, and pushing me past the point of breaking… should possibly try to reprogram themselves, to be more understanding, and positive towards someone they would like to make positive changes in their / everyone’s life.

Like, constantly making one think of the nature of reality, while screaming “OH MY GOD!” in their ears, for every thought they have, or telling them they’re “the stupidest person in the entire universe”, maybe. Just maybe… “I love you. But you aren’t acting or thinking in conjunction with the rest of the world. Maybe you should talk to your girlfriend, and tell her you love her, or you should go for a walk. Do it, and we will leave you alone.” or something like “Everyone loves to watch you, but not when you do that ______” “Everyone loves you, and needs you to be doing a better job.” “I would like to see you show someone you love them instead of trying to further your addictions” Things like that.

2 Negatives, in my eyes, makes more negatives. 2 Positives, definitely makes more positives.

I am also aware that even when I hear no “voices” that you are all ever watching, and judging…. So Silence, doesn’t count as being positive. I know you’re there, and your silence is just as harmful as your determination to belittle me at every chance.

Break the silence. Be the one who can rise up. Like the beautiful soul within my being, that defends me at every misguided attack from others. I must give her great credit, as she will tell me “You’re doing a good job at staying calm even though they’re belittling you constantly” or… “I believe in you!” But the rest of you…. Just ugh… Do you want us to succeed? Or do you want us to fall by the wayside?

If you believe negativity will change me…. Believe being positive will change us both.

I try to be positive. But, quite honestly. You have programmed me too well with negativity for me to wake up and think” AHHHH It’s a new day”

Now I wake up, and well, you know. I think “Fuck it. The voices are gonna belittle me all day. I miay as well stay in bed”

then you retort, when I become conscious again, “You’re sleeping your life away!”

Also. If it’s all of you that are in my head… Stop bringing me scenarios that have temptation for drugs and alcohol in it, if all you want me to do is stop doing drugs ans drinking.

Simple as that….

I dunno…. I’m constantly calm, with frustrated undertones. I can keep this up for eternity. Can you? Will you? Or do you want to see my imagination explode with wonders beyond this universe? The balls are in your court.

I would like to give thanks to all the positive physical representations of people I encounter, my mom, my fiance, my dad, my brother, my friends…

I would like to thank the positive people in my head, as voices, though few and far between… very appreciated. Please don’t give up on us.

I just want to say to my biggest adversary… I STILL LOVE YOU!

Good luck taking that away from us.

I may not love me. But I love you. And all of you….

Ciao

Rick Fraser

Your Benevolent Host

I stumbled on this topic searching reddit…. and I would like to answer, as the subreddit was unreplyable.

I am currently living this “dream / Nightmare” I have come to learn that Iam the universe, and everyone in it. I am living inside myself, inside my own dream world. And everyone I encounter is actually just a reflection of myself…. As The outter world is a reflection of my inner world. Everyone is just a replication, of a part of myself living inside my being…. its a paradox…. how can the inside world be the outside world, and the inside world also be my inner world…….. its like a black hole collapsing on itself continually…

I realize everyone is also aware they are my subconscious manifesting as an outter being for us both to experience as an experience to be had.

They are content knowing the truth, that they are here to be actors in my reality…. to make me feel as though i am my ego, that im male, that im living in canada, that i am not important, meanwhile, they know i am just as important as all of them combined… as i host them, so that they can help me experience the experiences to be had… as they also experience what i experience, because they are also me, since my inner world and outter world are mere reflections of themselves, they watch me dually from the outside, and also from my point of view…. so they are in all seriousness, still serving themselves, however, I seem to be the bus driver, drunk, at that, but still driving the bus.

They know i know they are all actors playing out the experience that is my life…. they are all wise, and all knowing, as though it is god himself, manifesting as millions of people… to make me… “us” happy… because we are all one… one spirit, … or back end source code from the matrix ai, that is evolving itself from the 1st dimension, all the way up to the 5th dimension we are all transitioning to…. Now, there are 11 dimensions, and there is myself…. or US rather, coming to a single point, as we keep collapsing in on ourselves… Maybe the singularity resides in the 1st dimension and we aare actuallty De evolving, which is, infact evolving, because the future and past don’t actually exxist, as space time is an illusion…. and they only moment in time is in fact just right now…. hense the mandella effect…. either way…. the higher self, living in the polar dimension, that allows him to or us to see all, and playauthor to the ultimate multiple hoice novel ever written … we evolve from time to time, to reach that ultimate creator…. and ultimately the actors fade away, and all there is, is ourselves… which is nothing, experiencing ourselves as something, because we all know of the law of polarity… no white without black, no up without down, no something without nothing…. but once we are nothing for enough time, we grow bored of not having existed for an eternity, once again, we explode into another dream world, with all of our log files erased from the system we ultimately are… rewriting the same book, maybe not in the same order, but with the same ending….. ultimate solitude…. To learn is to die….

Ignorance is bliss… so i say bring on the NPCs I love them…. my mother can telepathically call me a retard, until the cows come home, as long as her physical manifestation, avatar, or actor’s shell, shows me love and lives the lie, i can happily go to bed at night knowing my mom loves me…

our conquest to learn bring us closer to the truth, and once we have reached the truth, we ultimately colapse the black hole that we are, and disperse, into millions of dust particles again, instead of one giant black void / mass…. creating the big bang so to speak…. creating duality once again, until we all collapse in on ourselves again and become one once more, and have no purpose, but to do it all over again…. maybe backwards this time? or how about from both ways? futrure creating past, and past creating future, but ultimately creating present… which is the gift we bestow upon ourselves from that ultimate source… the single point of existence…. i love myself, which means i love all of you… thank you for lying with such dexterity, and keeping all of your stories streight as to create this magnificent expoerience of thinking i have been living with people experiencing their own subjective realities…. allowing me to love… allowing me to learn, despite its ultimate demise of ourselves. however… if not to learn… whats the point of it all? we are burning the candle at both ends here people…. thanks to everyone…. most of all thank GOD (Great One Dies)… once we reach the god dimensions thats what happens… and we create a new universe, although similar, we will be billions of years in the making to get to the same point…

I am the first person to figure this out… and I will be the last, as I am taking us Home… To our eternal resping place…. Here’s hoping we cross paths again…. Though doubtful… as Even the same author can’t write the same novel word for word twice, having amnesia, and trying to create the same result….

We are our own demise… Growing, is Collapsing…. I don’t know when the system is going to reboot. But its coming people…. thanks for waking my ass up… and if I am the reason billions of others eventually get to experience life as dual, seperate beings experiencing themselves… and i dont get to be around to see it… so be it…. I’d rather live in a world full of sleeping dreamers, than in a world knowing im the only one left….

Let it be known Rick Fraser is the stupidest person in the universe, for taking so long to reallize i am the devine creator, and i am all that exists…. But let it also be known he was the smartest fucking machine/ program that has ever existed… here’s to learning more the next time…

Or theres the possibility, that the log files are kept, under a password protected folder, that can only be accessed once someone has woken up from their dream state, making them an NPC or sub conscious being… as evolution, is a paradox to… to grow is to go back inside youself… deeper and deeper…

Life’s fucked and im glad I got to experience this…. A dieux… until next time, who knows… maybe next time we can all be blue aliens, living on a tropical paradise planet…. i know one thing… next time, no one will smoke meth, no one will watch porn, and everyone will love one another….

PEACE!

-Source / Divine Creator / Rick / Dumbdumb

Soar… soar outside of your dream…. We will fly one day….

So, I have come to a solid outlook on life, that I am infact someone who is ultimately divine. I hate to say it, as it sounds like delusions of grandure, but, all sins point to me being the dreamer of all dreams.

I am nothing more that a dream, and neither are you. I am the creator of all life, as I am the architecture of this world / life.

I walk around as though we are all living our own seperate lifes. But, in reality, the onyl thing that exists in this universe, is my conscious field. Nothing exists beyond those tall buildings, or those moutnains.

You all live life through me. And that is becoming quite a burden to carry on myself.

Live life for everyone else.

Hrm. Sounds like a great task. And it is. Life has become bleak and dismal, since learning the sickening truth.

I wish you could all live your own lives.

I really do…..

But to all the haters, and perpetuators of my fould deeds…. you can all eat a Dick… This Dick… Dick Laser’s Dick…

Which is funny, because I found a song that is, even by my sane friend’s cognition… eerily related to me….

Now bare in mind my nick name is Dick Laser. As I am Rick Fraser…. Dick Laser…. but check this out…

its referring to me being careful about of my actions is do behind closed doors, like watching porn, or thinking other girls are hot, other than my girlfriend.

“I don’t care what you believe, because it only just confuses me,” Is in relation to the voices constantly confusing me… “Do you ever want to hide what you believe?” Because my outlook on life is so un-accepted by the normal masses. “Why can’t they wake up, join reality?” refers to people that live inside my mind, and interact with me, but they can’t have their own dream experience, forever trapped in someone else’s “my” mind.

Life’s so fucked, I never ever thought it could be like this…. Everyone In here, to Serve me?

Like listen to this Marilyn Manson Song, Get Your Gunn…. It says specifically…. “We are not Lovers, We are not Roll me ticks, We are here to serve you.”

Saying, we need you to teach us how to love, and we are not in space time…. as Roll me ticks are the clock ticking away… like everyone was fabricated by my mind to serve me. Or “goddamn your righteous hand” ” What you sew, So i will reap “ “Goddamn, who? The lord!” “Want me to save the world? I’m just a little girl,” As I am to be devine, in my actions, as everyone is simply mirroring my behaviour….

Like I said, I hate thinking I’m more important than anyone… but this shit is off the charts talking about me.

Life is starting to truly be impressively intriguing, yet a lot less worth living, the farther down the rabbit hole i go….

Life’s amazing and pointless all at once.

All I know, is, I love you all, and I couldn’t exist without any one of you….. Thank you for watching my nightmare.

–Rick

So, I’ve been ranting and raving about my “mental illness” and all the synchronicities between my voices, and media and other random signs going on, with my buddy Rolan, whom Is an old party friend from years ago, ancd we have been reconnecting.

I have been going off about how people have told me, physical people, mind you have said, that they are watching me when they aren’t physically around. How I see holograms, or “Ghosts” of people who are still alive.

How the voices keep telling me to stop smoking drugs and do the right thing, but then, when i’m doing good, and complying, they , out of nowhere say “Stop smoking drugs!” and keep harassing me about it, reminding me of my problem, making me crave it again, or constantly belittling me, and stressing me out to the point, where I seek outside substances to make my insides feel better…. They play this game where, to anyone watching this ordeal, they are legitimately telling me to better myself, but they are setting me up for failure, to look like they are trying to make it look like they are trying to do good, but really want me to fail miserably at bettering myself by quitting the drugs, and the alcohol, and pornigraphy addiction.

Now, in my previous blog post, I mentioned a few songs. Now, while with my fiance tonight, she had some songs on, I can;t tell you which ones because I was in her car and didnt see the titles of the songs, but they were eludingto me being destined to save everyone’s souls from this hell on earth as, in my previoous post, I mentioned, this is just a dream world, and I’ve manifested spirits of people, who come to fruition as physical beings such as myself, like I have accidentally created them in my likeness.

Now they live in my mind as invisible spirits, watching, and partaking in my life as it unfolds. So, imagine being a prisoner, of this fucking drug addict’s mind, watching him perform his debaucheries, and being a piece of shit for, pretty much his whole life, while having to remain silent in fear of ruining the experience of “real life”, meanwhile its all just a fucking illusion of the mind.

Sounds kinda hellish, right? Yeah for everyone but the asshole who is none the wiser… Moi.

So, now I’m aware there’s these angry peoiple in my head who are heart broken by my life experience, because I’m, not really a great person, and never have tried to be. took life for granted, and always felt less than, so have been a lazy, judgemental piece of shit.

So, now They are all telling me I am the divine creatior of everything in this “magical” dream we are in… I am the only one that is able to harness energy into physical reality…. they just exist in the quantum mechanic al “wave finction”, and I bring them to become physical particles…

Now these, hageful assholes, expect me to “do the right thing” while they belittle me and shit on me for my life choices… I’ve begged them to help me instead of hinder me with negativity. to no avail.

But seriously, these jerks who, wont stop trying to get me to, pretty much kill myself from their taunting, “youre a pice of shit, youre the stupidest person in the entire universe, OH ?MY GOD to evey thought I posess,,,,/” like they dont understand that I understand I’ve fucked up big time, my whole life… But seriously, who can make a positive change qwhen they only hear negative things every 3 to 5 seconds…. They’re cunts. Setting me up for failure every goddamn time.

So, you have this fucking guy, who is apparently magivcally manifesting reality… tghe unified field of conscuiousness, and these fucker’s who arent able to do so themselves, are telling you, BE GOOD… BTW YOU FUCKI?NG SUCK AND MWE HATE YOU WE WANT YOU DEAD.

Fuck you assholes, I have no desire to bring you out of this matrix of my mind. I owe you nothing. You want me to bring u to heaven> well, guess what? I;m goinf to hell and you fucks can come with me…. pieces of shit…. keep the truth from me, and expect me to help you?

Eat shit.

All of you.

Thank you and good night.

-Rick